Ever find yourself feeling horrible after an encounter with a friend or family member, but you just can not pin point why you feel bad. This is called, "Passive Aggressive" behavior. The person insults you, belittles you, shames you in such a clever way you never even know they did it. While breaking up with anyone is hard, it is especially important to break up with this type of person even if they are family. An example of this behavior would be:
You: "I was thinking about going back to school to become a doctor. I really think I would do well in this field and really want to help others. What do you think?"
Passive Aggressive: "Oh wow that is a lot of schooling at your age. Not to mention the cost. You will be in debt for years. What about that job opening at the Disney Store at the mall? I think you would be excellent at that! Plus you can get us free or discounted tickets to, "The Happiest Place on Earth."
In this brief encounter you see yourself excited about taking on a challenging career, but needing a supportive push from your Passive Aggressive. You are expressing your confidence in succeeding and are demonstrating a slight ability to be assertive.
On the other hand you have the Passive Aggressive instantly trying to make you doubt your time and money.
First insult: Do you want to give away that much time at your age? The Passive Aggressive is telling you that you are too old and starting to try to lower your self esteem here.
Second insult: Can you really afford this? The Passive Aggressive is now making you question your ability to pay or pay back. This is the "chipping away" process to break your confidence down to really their level, which will be low even if they do not demonstrate this outwardly.
Third insult: This is the big blow that the Passive Aggressive has been building up to. Showing you what they think you would be great at. This is typically way below your capabilities. They then follow up with a compliment telling you how great you will be at their substandard option. Then the true reason they want you to take the less appealing job is presented. They want to use you to get either free or discounted Disneyland tickets.
Staying in this type of relationship will not only demean, but will also take away from your self worth. The problem is you might not realize it is being suggested you are less than and adopt these insecurities as your own. This makes this relationship even more dangerous as it grows. Passive Aggressive people typically hate being confronted. They will avoid conflict at all cost even clam-up if confronted of their sneaky behaviors. This person might appear to be loud and confident in their day to day life. They might even seem pushy at times. This behavior is to distract others from their true inadequacies and insecurities, which is many! Looking back any deep conversations would be one sided meaning just you shared. They will use this information you confided in them with against you later without you even knowing they have assaulted your self worth. You are left feeling less than until you start to believe it is true. Toxic does not even begin to describe the destruction this type of personality can do to your soul. If this describes someone in your life, I would not walk I would run like your body was on fire. Due to the Passive Aggressive rarely being confronted, they do not take responsibility for their actions ever! Emotional health is a practice you must want and demand for yourself.
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