I remember that young, vibrant, thirteen year old I once was. I had so many dreams and hopes for myself. I wanted to become an inventor in Space Engineering. I wanted to become a Scientist to figure out the root to all disease. I wanted to become a doctor to fix the broken. I also wanted to become a Farmer so I could be around the animals I loved the most. I had a very innocent view of what a Farmer actually did. In reality, I just wanted to live with and feed a ton of farm animals. Instead of shooting for all of my dreams, I listened to the negative people in my life. This led me to a deep hole of self sabotage. That same young, vibrant, thirteen year old started to dull with her choices. The one that stands out the most was my ability to starve and not eat. Vibrancy leaves you with a quickness without food. So the question is, "Why do we Self Sabotage?"
Here is the answer: We Self Sabotage, because we have lost touch of who we are. We Self Sabotage, because we are not living in our light or core values. We Self Sabotage, because we do not feel worthy of the alternative. So you might ask, "How do we reverse this negative way of thinking?" By rewriting our own narrative. By finding those core values. By diminishing those negative thought patterns and replacing them with what is true.
I did a simple exercise I like to do with my husband that struggles with recognizing his value at times. I simply asked him, "Who would you be without the thought 'I am worthless'?" He hesitated a moment and started to tell me about his past. He mentioned many instances of when he felt less than. He knew the people to place in the "hot seat" that made him feel that way. I sat, listened, even acknowledged his struggles from so long ago. Then I asked him again, "Who would you be without that thought today? We can not change who you might have become had I asked you this question twenty years ago, but we can change who you become in your future self. So again, who would you be without the thought that you are worthless?" What happened next was so beautiful and simple. He responded with the job he actually wanted to have. He stated he would still be married to me, because I have brought into his life joy, purpose, vitality. He mentioned he would be less stressed and over worked. Simple really, when you think about all the baggage, heaviness, burdens that come with one thought. He wants a different job and less stress, that is it.
When I broke down why he felt worthless it had to do with old feelings of unprocessed emotions. It had to do with my husband not working in the job he really wanted. Yet, he had not taken the steps to get what he actually wanted for himself in fear it would burden me. A joy over came his face as I watched him look for a college to attend towards his future self. Deep down he knew who was to blame for feeling less than, because when I questioned him he got defensive. I simply reminded him in that moment that it sounded like he knew who was less than and it was not him. The surprised look of awe that overshadowed his expressions spoke volumes. When we take the time to analyze our behaviors, it will always lead us to the answers we are seeking.
Self Sabotage has to do with untruths we hold as our own. Self Sabotage has to do with unresolved emotions that have been trapped in us for far too long. Self Sabotage has to do with us not seeing ourselves with each day we rise. Self Sabotage has to do with not knowing our purpose for breathing. Finding those core values and actively living in them will bring joy, happiness, and hope for a better future self. So what is actually causing Self Sabotage is burden. We are holding tightly to the unknown, the unaware, the injustices. We are holding onto the burdens of our past. Sometimes our past selves just need to be forgiven for who they were not at the time. When we look back at our past we often forget that the person we have become did not exist back then. Give grace, give understanding, give forgiveness, and give love to all the parts that make us special. Even those parts that might be viewed as unpleasant serve a purpose to keep us in our own balance.
To all those Self Sabotager's out there, you are loved and can let go of the burdens you are carrying.
With Love From
,
A Former Self Sabotager
Rings true. Thank you