What is a Trauma Pattern you might ask? Well it is a cycle of behaviors we either perform towards ourselves or onto others repeatedly in cycles. These patterns might even be sought after, allowing people with these shared patterns into our lives. Ever ask yourself, 'Why you keep meeting the same type of man/woman?" The relationship always ends in a similar way with a similar storyline. This is a pattern you might not be aware you are seeking or attracting. So what can we do about these trauma patterns? Identifying them is one of the first steps to stopping them. Awareness gives you a strong ability to now allow change to occur.
A personal "Trauma Pattern" of mine for an example, is with my past boyfriends. I use to repeatedly choose boyfriends that were dishonest, liars, deceitful, sneaky, cheaters, but also extremely handsome/charming. This pattern came from my childhood! My parents were abusive to one another and towards myself, but always put on a great show for the masses. We were known in our community (at a distance of course) as the "Leave it to Beaver" family for those of you that get my reference. For those of you that would not understand this reference, the "perfect" family structure. The problem is they never saw what happened behind closed doors or even driving in a car. At every stop light the arguments would cease to exist, however; when the light turned green like clockwork the yelling would continue.
My husband grew up just two houses down from me from ages three to thirteen. He remembers always seeing the police cars over by my house, but always assumed they were going to the rental houses that we were sandwiched between my house. He was even shocked when I told him they were mostly coming to my house. My parents did such a good job at looking "Perfect" that even my husband had a hard time digesting the truth. My guess is one of those rental families were hearing the loud yelling and broken glass being shattered against the walls or floor. The police were mostly coming to our house. The officer would do the regular check to make sure we were all ok. I would be asked if anyone was in trouble in my household. I always answered with a muffled no, because this was my normal. I honestly did not understand I needed help at such a young age. Even as I aged, it all got blurred as to what my needs would even look like. My father would always redirect the police to the two rentals saying something to the effect like, " You know how those type of people that rent these are. Have you checked on them yet? I think whoever called you got the wrong address."
So now that you have read this article, lets look inward at why you might be holding onto these trauma patterns. This article has now possibly made you aware of yours. Once you find the pattern, now try to link it back to a source. This might be simple for some and difficult for others. A professional licensed therapist can help you find your source or a professional licensed in E.M.D.R. (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) treatments for those that this exercise is more challenging for. Identifying the source can now allow you to start working on what coping mechanisms were created around the source. Once you can process these and replace them with new healthier coping mechanisms, only then can you start to restructure the trauma patterns.
What does a new pattern look like? It is the ability to recognize the old trauma pattern in either yourself or someone else around you. The patterns will still exist, accept now you will be able to recognize the pattern to change the behaviors around them. This is especially true for those that were traumatized as children, as these patterns become very much a part of us. Once you practice the new coping mechanisms enough, the old trauma pattern will start to repulse you. Your awareness around the pattern will turn into a distaste for the type of individuals that hold onto this type of old trauma pattern. If you are further along in your healing journey, that repulsion or distaste might turn into a form of compassion towards the individual. This occurs when you recognize the trauma pattern with a form of empathy for the individual that is still holding onto their trauma.
Empathy grow's into compassion that allows the once traumatized to help the currently traumatized. This I like to call, "The Full Trauma Circle."
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